Feelings • Thoughts

This is one of the next “fork in the road”. This choice, discernment, or clarifying is important in so many ways. Putting distance between Feeling and Thoughts clarifies so much in the process of writing and rewriting our “story”. Feelings and Thoughts are though frequently confused are very different elements and require different paths of being expressed and satisfied.

A main image and metaphor for feelings is that of weather.

Old Dog says, “Does it really make sense (which we seem to do often) to stand around saying “It should not be this cold this time of year.” When it’s cold…it’s cold. Now we can describe the weather or our feelings. But, no amount of talking about it is going to change the weather.

Now thoughts are literally another “story” and are extremely conducive to editing.

A Man offers an example. A time ago, when he was active in martial arts, one of the higher ranking students frequently would say to him in what sounded like a sarcastic voice, “Hey man, long time no see.” It seemed to the Man that he was being shamed and judged as not being dedicated and discipined enough. He thought that way for nearly two years. Then, there came time when he needed a ride to a seminar in Wiscconsin. As, it would have it the only ride he could get was with that senior student. Feeling really uncomfortable about spending five hours in the car with someone He was convinced did not like him He chose to clear the air. He told the other student what he thought about what he said. His senior was shocked and replied, “No, man I like you and was just saying I missed.” The Man then realized that the assumition and “story” inside His head was a bad and paranoid story. And it had deprived him of knowing that he had a good friend.

Again Old Dog repeats an old line, “A-S-S-U-M-E…..Makes an ass out of you and me”. (For more on assumptions, see also the book - “The Four Agreement” by Miguel Ruiz).

Another dynamic in the discernment/fork between Feelings and Thought is to become aware of what in essence you are having feelings about. Are you feeling in response to the original, organic event ? Or are you reacting to your “story” or continual thoughts about the original event ? Clarifying this can cut through alot of the emotional fog. When you make a distinction between response and reaction, you can then make stronger choices about what actions are available to you.

A final empowerment concerning feelings is to choose to practice letting go as much as possible language like “You make me angry !” It is so common in our culture to say that others are responsible for our feelings. This would seem like a trivial thing to consider just correcting our speech.

Old Dog reminds, “Consider that every time you try to make someone else responsible for your feelings you are handing them a “remote control. That may seem a silly image but if you set yourself up that the only way you can feel better is by changing the behavior of others. Well, you know, good luck with changing others !”

Do not think that there are not exception to this. The dynamics of domestic abuse, assault, addiction and other violence make this a much more complicated in sorting out. Thoug, in in this whether one sees themselves as a “victimn” or a “survivor” deeply effect how they live. Both views are extremely valid.