Doesn’t Deserve To Be Forgiven
No one who commits wrong is really deserving of forgiveness. No more than to say that some deserve or doesn't deserve sunshine. Forgiveness is a manifestatiom of grace.
Without sin there is no reason to ask for forgiveness.
Without forgiveness it is possible to forget that grace is always available.
Forgiveness stone grace not earned
A stone in your heart
Revenge
Golden rule
Donkey in the well story Shake it off
Can They Be Trusted ?
Recently a lot of people have been talking to me about trust. They've asked for coaching around how to cope with people who they question being trustworthy.
Some are concerned with whether they will be betrayed by romantic partners. Others are struggling with disappointment with way they are treated by family members. Some just fear the chaos and uncertainty of dealing with the unknown.
The traditional way that I was taught about trust was that you had to earn trust. There is definitely wisdom in having a goal and value of being trustworthy as part of your personal development. But to project this process on to others I believe puts us at the mercy of others choices and behaviors. By this I mean that if our perception of personal safety is based only on trusting people who have "earned our trust" then the interactions of our lives take on a quality of conditions and contracts.
This goes contrary to the basic nature of living life in love which by essence is unconditional. Living conditionally dependent on others changing their behavior is fraught with disappointment and the need to manipulate others.
A different image I would like to share is one of viewing trusting others in the same way in which we approach gift giving. This can begin with making a clear distinction between gift giving and gift exchanging. A true gift from the heart is offered unconditionally and the very act is its own reward. Gift exchanging is built on giving with intention of receiving. This can involve concerns around giving something of equal value, competition on making an impression and judging the people by what we receive.
Tips on gift giving/trusting:
1. Only give what you truly authentically want to give. Being authentic means knowing yourself (a continual life-long process). It means knowing what you can afford to give. If you feel exceptionally vulnerable in a particular area, give your trust cautiously. Knowing yourself means building a confidence of your ability to cope with situations that do not turn out the way you expect them. When you can fully trust in yourself and your own abilities, trusting others becomes less of a risk.
2. Do not give gifts or trust out of a sense of obligation. This only invites disappointment and resentment when you try to buy other's respect and trust. If you can't give something freely and unconditionally then it may be better to keep it for yourself. It's not a matter that others can't be trusted. It is that there are some people who you will find that you don't want to trust. Give yourself permission to listen to your intuition and not trust at times. There is no need to rationalize or justify. It is your choice to trust or not.
3. Be a good student of human nature. You've all lived long enough to realize that human are by nature both rational and irrational. You know that at times and in certain situations all people lie, withhold the truth or act in a selfish animalistic way that does not reflect their higher spiritual nature. You know this because you yourself display these behaviors. You can empathize with what happens when you are uncomfortable with hurting someone's feelings with the truth, fearful about not living up to your own or another's expectations and unable to bear the judgment or abandonment by others. These are driving forces for human beings. So, expect people to be untrustworthy at times and accept it. Accept in yourself the quality that you will trust people who will disappoint and betray you. This does not mean that you are a fool or stupid. It merely means that you are a feeling human being willing to take risks. Feelings involve both laughter and tears.
4. Own your own expectations. Be responsible. (Again responsibility is respond-ability, the ability to respond.) The person you expected to meet these expectations, wants and desires may be unable or unwilling, When you fully accept responsibility for your own expectations, it put you in the position of power to have your needs met. You can then be open to those who can freely give and relate with you in the way you seek. My Grandmother/Godmother always said, "God works in mysterious ways." So, it is probably best to be open to being surprised in what ways your needs will be met.
When you are strong in your ability to cope with any situation no matter how it turns out, then how can you lose. You, then can trust easily. Trust freely with the knowledge that you are empowered with the ability to negotiate for what you want, set boundaries around what you will or will not tolerate and have the wiliness to let go and walk away from situations that do not serve the higher good. You then become a more fully, authentic trustworthy person. Trust can be a generous gift, you give yourself and others. Trust in joy !